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"I think the word for what I felt is 'trapped.' After I had a kid, I realized I hated being the mother to an infant, but by then it was too late.I couldn't walk away and still live with myself, but I also couldn't stand it.
"I was surrounded by people who adamantly opposed my choices, so in some way I felt I had no choice at all." Carrie and her husband split up soon after she gave birth, leaving her to raise their daughter alone.
Time and therapy have helped, but she's still fixated on what could have been.
"I see her growing, exploring, taking off on a whim.
"I like to say I tried my best, but the truth is I didn't," she admits.
"My daughter was left to raise herself in many ways.
"I wonder if my accomplishments would be more spectacular," says Ananya, a 38-year-old freelance writer and editor who divides her time between the United States and Singapore. Would I be able to travel to chase that elusive story?
I feel motherhood has slowed me down so much." She envies friends not for their spontaneous vacations and naps, but for the time and space they have to think.Suddenly she was the sole provider for a child she never actually wanted in the first place.Carrie describes her early motherhood as selfish and resentful, full of an acute sense of sacrifice."I realized that this was my life now—and it was unbearable." As more time passed, Laura felt convinced that she had made a life-altering mistake."I hated, hated, hated the situation I found myself in," she says.Here's the thing about realizing that you shouldn't have had kids," says Laura*, 37, a journalist based in Los Angeles.